It's back again, that feeling of dread and helplessness. It never really gives me respite, it's always lingering, watching, waiting. The world, the universe, it's all just chaos and we're trying to make sense of it. Suffering is an inevitable part of life, but there's so much more. I wish my mind could focus more on the beauty, and not the dark.. but apart of me like's the world of darkness I've created. It's familiar even if it's lonely and miserable, at least it's not new and terrifying. I have no clarity of thought anymore, I may have once when I was younger, but now my head is just a sea of noise. I can't find a way to make my life better, there is no plan or road map. Just the soul sucking monotony I'm stuck in now, every mundane and empty day passes away just like the last. I'm just waiting to die, I need a change, need to feel alive. Maybe someone could show me the way, someone young, beautiful and full of life and love.